This afternoon I’m finally alone.
I’ve been holding your bed and blankets to my chest,
trying to find the last scent of you.
I wish now I hadn’t thrown away your half-eaten bowl of food
or rinsed the peanut butter off the spoon
with the little indent of your tongue.
Your last taste of anything
before you and I got in the car
and I came back alone.

Now starts the work,
not of forgetting you,
never that,
but of learning not to look under the stairs when I come into the house
or listen for the clicking of your nails
letting me know you’re up and about.

This love has nowhere to go anymore.
It can’t be given to anyone else—
it was assigned to you only.

It’s excess now,
balled inside,
squeezed between my ribs,
pressing.

As much as I would lose this raw, red pain
I’ll take it, if it keeps you from fading.
My pretty girl.

Photo Courtesy: Kaylin Bocker, Unsplash

Judge’s Comment:
“After Dottie” succinctly captures the tension between wanting to move through grief and not wanting to lose the memory of a loved one. Through intimate details of everyday life, the poem reveals how absence can transform the familiar into something almost unbearable. The love that once had a place to go becomes a physical weight, “squeezed between my ribs,” a pain the speaker is willing to carry if it means keeping Dottie close. A tender elegy for a beloved companion, this poem reminds us that grief is the price we pay for love.

Poet’s Statement:
In the immediate days after I had to say goodbye to my 16-year-old Westie, friends and family surrounded me sharing love and memories of Dottie. I found that as much as I appreciated this, I really needed space alone to grieve. "After Dottie" is the result of having this time to myself.